Brett Goldstein: ‘It’s another show my mum can’t see’

Edinburgh intros #18: Brett Goldstein went to Burning Man so we don’t have to. We can, however, see his show about it

Brett Goldstein comedian

Image by Idil Sukan

1. Tell us a bit about the show.
The show is about drugs, fame, Burning Man and why I never let my mum see me do stand-up.

2. What’s your favourite bit of the show (s0 far)?
My favourite bit (so far) is the ending, which took so long to find.  I literally spent two years looking for it. And then when I found it, it was like it had been down the back of the sofa all along. I literally felt like, “Oh!  There you are!”

3. If your show were a dog, what breed would it be?
It would be an old golden retriever. It still wants to be loved, but it just can’t be bothered to keep getting that fucking ball for you.

4. What’s your walk-on music going to be?
This is still being argued over.  I am still debating coming on to the The Cosby Show theme tune, but possibly that song has been tainted. Which is a shame cos it’s a real tune.

5. Who will you be living with and how do you expect that to go?
I will be living with two other comics, one a stand-up, the other a sketch comic.  I’m sure we will take turns telling each other “it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s all going to be ok” and then getting drunk.

6. What will your daily routine be?
I swear to be healthier this year … is something I say every year.  So maybe my routine will be a workout, a healthy lunch, a nap, see a show, then head to my show, then one drink, then bed.  OR my routine will be: wake up at 5pm, eat chocolate and cold pizza, go back to bed, get up at 9, do my show, then get stuck talking to people I don’t like till the sun comes up and then go to Scotmid and buy a week’s worth of crap then eat it all, then pass out at 9. One or the other.

7. Do you enjoy the Fringe?
I love it. And it’s always one week too long. The third week I tend to be a depressed, confused zombie. And then I enjoy the final stretch again. Or not. I can’t remember. Why am I going back again? Oh yeah, cos I love it.

8. You seem to have two parallel careers going on – film and stand-up – both of which come down to writing I suppose, but do you feel like you are moving towards one and away from another? Or not?
No, I love them both. Stand-up is the purest of all the things one can do, and I would never want to lose it. Put it this way. I can think something this afternoon, then say it tonight, and if it goes well, know, “oh that was lovely and satisfying”.  With film, I can think something this afternoon, and then seven years later finally see it said in front of an audience. And if it goes well, think, “oh … I don’t remember ever having that thought.”

9. How serious are you about the “another show you can’t let your mum see” thing?! Does she get to see you perform much?
I’m so serious. I don’t let my mum or dad see me do stand-up. If they came, I genuinely don’t think I’d be able to do it. There is something weirdly intimate about stand-up that I couldn’t function properly in front of them. It would be like trying to have sex, while they commentated. Does that make sense? (Not to me).

10. What was the clientele like at Burning Man?
The idea of Burning Man is so wonderful and pure. A place without money, where everyone has to join together and share and show love and co-exist from all walks of life.  The reality is … you need a shit load of money to get there, and the majority of people I met were … imagine Shoreditch. But without the irony. And more money. In the desert.

11. Could we do such a thing in Britain?
We have Secret Garden Party. Which is wicked. But I’m not sure anyone thinks it changed their life. Maybe it did. Who am I to say?

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