Rob Auton – water guy

Edinburgh intros #10: he’s done delightful shows on all the big topics – yellow, the sky, and faces. This year, Rob Auton’s all about the wet stuff

Rob Auton comedian1. Tell us a bit about the show.
My new show is called The Water Show. It is a show about water. It is suitable for people who have seen, heard, touched, used or tasted water. I talk about subjects that people are familiar with. My previous shows have been about the colour yellow (2012), the sky (2013) and last year was about faces.

2. What’s your favourite bit?
The guest appearance from Kevin Costner with his webbed feet and earrings. His manager is a family friend, but for him to get Kev on board was incredible. (Disclaimer: Kev Costner may not make the cut of the final script.)

3. If your show were a dog, what breed would it be?
Dogfish.

4. What’s your walk-on music going to be (suggest What A Feeling from the Flashdance soundtrack if you’re yet to plump)?
Well, due to the nature of the room that I’m performing in, it is more “What’s your press play on your phone and stand in front of the audience before pressing stop music going to be?” The answer to that question is Nessun Dorma.

5. Whom will you be living with and how do you expect that to go – will there be hilarious consequences?
I will be living with my old university friends who live in Edinburgh. I have stayed with them on my previous trips to Edinburgh. I broke their bread board last year. I didn’t think I would ever break a bread board but that’s the kind of behaviour the Fringe can drive a person to.

btf2014-Rob-Auton6. What will your Edinburgh daily routine be?
I try to keep to a routine but the days are normally different. The day I am about to describe will probably happen once. I’ll get up. I’ll go on the exercise bike in the flat (fingers crossed they still have it). I’ll cycle until I have sweated out the dread.
I’ll eat some Corn Flakes with banana on top like John Lennon used to. I’ll walk into town with all my stuff. I’ll listen to some sort of music when walking. The music will have drums in it. I will buy a meal deal (this will happen every day). It will involve Tropicana with bits in it, pickled onion Monster Munch or salt and vinegar Squares and a ham sandwich. Depending on how my bucket collection went the previous day I may also buy a banana. I will eat the meal on a step somewhere if it’s not raining. I will then look for a bin. I will then stretch against an old wall of Edinburgh. I will then get changed in a toilet cubicle in the venue. I will then do the show. If anybody I know is at the show then I will socialise if they want to. I will then get something substantial to eat. On more than one occasion I will go to Mother India the restaurant. If I am feeling attentive I will watch a show. I will then walk home and when I get home I will write about how the day has gone in a notebook.

7. Do you enjoy the Fringe?
I have enjoyed it in the past yes. It is beautifully brutal, relentless and withering but I have come out of the ones I’ve done feeling like I’ve been through something that was a very real human experience that I have learnt from.

8. What’s the best use of water you’ve seen so far in 2015?
Sometimes I go swimming in the Olympic pool in Stratford (£3.50). On Wednesday afternoons the diving boards are open to the public (who have booked three weeks in advance). I like watching them diving in. I saw an elderly man sit on one of the high boards, he sat there for ages and then very slowly moved his head forward and just let his body fall off the board and into the water. I hope I am doing that when I am his age.

9. You love water. What would you say to somebody you overheard in the pub, slagging water off?
I’d say “sorry to bother you” and then I’d give the person a flyer to someone else’s show that is on at the same time as mine.

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