Howell’s about that then?! [Awful. You’re sacked – ed]
Where do you live?: Kennington Palace, near Waterloo, which is named after the battle between France and England which took place in Belgium. I like the way they decided to hold the battle at a neutral venue. But it took place on a Sunday and Napoleon Bonaparte used to go to church on Sundays and when he turned up the battle was almost over, which was a bit unfair I think.
How long have you been gigging for?: 2-3 years, although sometimes it feels like the other way round.
What do you do?: I am a scientist and an explorer too. Last week I went all the way to the end of the northern line (southbound) to see what was there. A desolate expanse of nothingness with a KFC. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Who makes me laugh?: People make me laugh, intentionally or not. Specifically, i like people who demonstrate an awareness of the world they live in (most people don’t apparently – I read that somewhere). People like Woody Allen and Kurt Vonnegut. And Tony Law too, of course.
At which clubs do you usually appear?: All clubs except the 99 Club.
Which is your favourite London venue?: The 99 Club.
What are you/should you be famous for?: I am famous for my egg collection. This is what i should be famous for. Everything is OK.
What is your placing in the Top Million Comedians League?: I don’t think there is a top and a bottom. I think the league goes sideways, left to right. I am on the left side, although I sleep on the right.
Which celebrity do you look like?: My friend David Winks thinks I look like him. I don’t. He is mad.
Whose sex face would you least like to see?: David Winks’.
Audiences love it when I… stroke my belly.
Audiences hate it when I… talk about Proust
See Gerry in action…